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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Ode to Jon Stewart

its always about relationships. the upcoming 2012 will feature a pair of seriously boring candidates. and from our modern American media landscape of commodity driven lifestyle, a stroll down memory lane has me fixated on an image of one of monica lewinski's handbags  teaming with greasy "freedom fries." were things always so absurd? how have we arrived at such a drab impasse?  either side of our political spectrum boringly stagnates like a seesaw teetering over a vanilla babypool. 

therefore, what better manifestation to perfectly illustrate the contentious dichotomy and utter absurdity of our 2 party system than the former cnn talk-show: crossfire. stupid bowtie wearing tucker carlson and spineless paul begala were 2 of the hosts on that show, and they were both hosting on 10-15-2004, the day that jon stewart was slated to be the special guest. bowtie and spineless are supposed to represent the right and the left respectively. every day they would babble and "debate" political topics. and of course, we all know what the conservative and the liberal are gonna say before they speak. and maybe that was the reason why this show was stupid, because each side would automatically defend an issue by speaking for their party. i always found the predictability to be dull and lacking in substance, because you already know how each side is supposed to feel, based on the predictable mores and predetermined poll results that comprise our country's "political diversity."  seldom does anyone defy their "sacred" party platform. so leave it to the great, Jon Stewart to be a guest on crossfire to one-up the Box in his defiance to choose left or right. i was super lucky to be watching this live as it happened. it remains as an auspicious moment of awesomeness in my life. here is the actual dialogue from part of that show:

JON STEWART: ... And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad.
PAUL BEGALA: We have noticed.
STEWART: And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.
TUCKER CARLSON: But in its defense...
STEWART: So I wanted to come here today and say...
STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys.
STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.
[nervous laughter]

later on...

BEGALA: [you are telling me that] CROSSFIRE reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white.
BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.
STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great....
his point of course was that no real debating occurred on crossfire, just butt-kissing. the ensuing discourse was wonderfully awkward and scathingly accurate. stewart basically said to start giving the politicians a hard time with the questions, stop pandering to them, stop being nice to them. start demanding accountability and possible moments of realness. the needs of the politician, not the people had become the reason why the show was able to book such high ranking guests. but in real life, the needs of the many out-weigh the needs of the one. well maybe someday, but it starts with one man, and he got crossfire canceled. from spok to the Box to jon stewart, lets stop accepting the saccharine soft serve and start punching some faces. later dudes.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Book Report -Foundation

Foundation, by Isaac Asimov

(cue the music) wassup Braination! and now for a special literary exploration presentation of The Nook of Brainy’s Culture of Darkness Corner. Bwa haha. ha.

    Perspective is another animal 12,000 years into the future. With hundreds of quadrillions of people, statistics becomes tend to be more aggregate. Predictability emerges more clearly than we can currently understand.

    Fusing mathematics and psychology, the science of Psychohistory was discovered by Hari Seldon like electricity was discovered by Ben Franklin. I borrow that scene of American mythology because Asimov chooses an endlessly-clever narrative device to tell the tale of Foundation, while conveying the tone that this this dude -Hari- is a legend from days of yore. Speaking in mythological terms, page 1 of Foundation is an except about Hari Seldon from the 116th edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica. ANYTHING THAT ENDS IN “GALACTICA” IS COOL. This very encyclopedia is the initial goal of the protagonists in this novel, preserving knowledge, through the dark ages.

    So can 1 dude or dudette make a difference? In Foundation, 3 dudes, save the human race, over the course of 1000 years. Due to their extensive education, strategic prediction capabilities, and their ability to improvise, our 3 heroes enact their mythological sense of epic acumen through their knowledge, tactical planning skills, and their extemporaneousness. The heroes of this novel are a mathematician, a politician, and an interstellar trader; Hari Seldon, Salvor Hardin, and Hober Mallow. Each man steers their civilization throughpart of a 1000 dark-age, in order to prevent the worst-case-scenario of a 30,000 year period for the dark ages to unfurl. The heroes each aptly enact inaction and avoid violence at all costs as they react to the insecure and finicky gov’t’s and kingdoms within the surrounding Periphery, at the Galaxy’s edge.

    At the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring (movie), Bilbo explains to Gandalf that he feels like butter spread over too much toast. This metaphor conveys the hobbit’s beleaguered state while also foreshadowing the decaying effect that the Ring will eventually inflict upon Frodo’s soul. As Foundation opens, we see Trantor, capital of the universe and the Empire, from the 1st time p.o.v. of a country bumpkin, Gaal Dornik, future apprentice of Hari Seldon. Awe struck, Gaal cannot see any dirt remaining on the overdeveloped planet, no horizon, no sky. Only man-made structures. Asimov reveals that the Empire will eventually fall because its insecure emperors must devote too many resources to planetary defense -instead of building more roads and schools.

    Trantor is an irresistible prize for any outside conquering space-horde. This idea is conveyed through the minor metaphor of some super exotic birds that this one dumb prince is famous for hunting. Their crazy value ensures their extinction. Ultimately, Trantor’s insatiable need for more imports left it too vulnerable. And this is an over-arcing metaphor in the book: Big things intrinsically decay. When an empire spreads itself too thin, it will stop investing in its infrastructure. Its trade will suffer and its economy will whither. As was also demonstrated in Baby 5, sometimes, in order to balance itself out and apply cosmic course correction, the universe must unfurl a refreshing interstellar bowel movement.

    Asimov’s answer, or solution, is to have smart people in place to save the day at the right time. As everybody knows, our education system pumps out automatons and only the elite minority are trained for leadership and innovation. We can break free from that mold. Western thinking instills in us an illusion of dualism for our world. Its is faux. The haves & the have-nots, the US & the communists, the sacred & the profane, real & surreal, the scarecrow & mrs king, the ranger & mr narn, the valiant Steelers & the peevishly evil Ravens, and yin & yang. These are all superficial dichotomies. The only real factual truth that can unite that entire set of relationships is that they are all bound by the symbol, “&.”

    We love to see things as black & white, we love to group everything in packages of, “&.” -but the Box has taught us to take that dualism and say, “NOW GET THE HELL OUTTA OUR GALAXY!” It is our responsibility to teach others how to mentally arm, spiritually fortify, and nobly save themselves, lest suffer their inevitable collective atrophy into star-bits. Hizzah.

    In todays world, take the history of the U.S. as an allegory It is interesting to note broad-stroke relations between the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd world during the past 300 hundred years. America, like their mercantilistic forefathers, has traditionally reaped and raped the 3rd world by importing mass amounts of raw materials. Just ask every equatorial island or the 50+ sub-Saharan African countries. From slaves to diamonds -the story is not pretty and it never has been. Then WWII and BOOM -no not the A-Bomb, i mean the economy skyrocketed. And while we were counting our money, the dudes running the country hatched a plan to breed a nation of consumers. Yes, everyone knows we buy tons of crap, but starting with the postwar administration of Truman, then IKE; shopping became an institution of American suburban life. A national past-time. Its scary cuz its true. Where do you think Black Friday came from, that egg was laid by dudes in suits. Economists and corporate talking heads. This was never a big problem because all the while, the U.S. had been producing and innovating technology...and then the tech bubble burst....and now...we are exporting food and raw materials to China and they are producing and innovating the world’s technology. “Irony is a bitch,” -didn't that Russian Earth-president read from the TelePrompTer during Rising Star?.  Well, on Lost, Ben Linus once said, “Fate is a fickle bitch.” And so today...what is happening...The proverbial Frankenstein that is our economy is currently bubbling with frothy brown-viscous matter, but before we all turn into gooey zombies, remember that hope remains! Its not too late. Unite under the forum of transcendental insight through the Braination!

Monday, October 24, 2011

the Mythos of Legend Parturition

Let us take a moment to recognize the birth of a legend, as we bob in the wake that follows a meteoric thud in the realm of baseball.  The auspicious mythology was created last night by the warrior who wields a weapon of sleek elegant design: the wooden 34-inch, 32-ounce Marucci AP5 baseball bat of dusty-diamond-demiurge slugger Albert Pujols. Pitchers so rarely ever dare deliver him anything hittable, and his previous 8 appearance at the plate in the World Series were hit-less. And then for the 1st time in World Series history, we witnessed 4 hits in 4 consecutive at-bats and then 1 more. he hit a: Single, single, 3-run homer, and then a little bit more with a 2-run homer, and a solo homer. Pujols. 5 hits, 3 of them home runs, over 5 consecutive at-bats. He drove in 6 runs, bringing his team back from a 5-0 deficit to crushingly finish with a 16-7 victory. And now Pujols' only competition is with the gods. He contends with the legends of the past; the Sultan of Swing and Mr. October, for only Babe Ruth & Reggie Jackson have ever hit this many homers in a World Series game -and by the way, 2 of Pujols' homers were hit out of the ballpark. He accounted for 14 total bases, a new World Series record. And thus we have witnessed the myth breathed into legend in the form of a new progeny. Pujols -for thousands of years, human protective rituals and custom will enact the guardianship of the warrior wielding a wooden bat.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


We are our own best existing authority available to decimate our own unfiltered identification. Existence's conversion into a digital universe has inadvertently incited an exponentially increasing influence from the Faux. This international junta of master illusionists has enjoyed unprecedented anonymity under the guise of a collective consumer perception.

But fear not Braination, for the Tendrils can never hold us all down. Even if we can only offer a feeble wiggle, we will rebel from its cold clutches, even if we have to dance our way to freedom. The Tendrils of Faux can never stop the wiggling, so wiggle on.

It is time to re-introduce yourself to your understanding. Movement is a state of mind, so erode its grip. Creationeering will dilute our presence from the Faux's Radar. If we constantly reinvent our understanding of ourselves, then the Faux will be unable to pinpoint our location and, in turn, our collective existence.

By implementing the art of Creationeering, we engage a perpetual spiritual dialogue between understanding and wiggling.